Grande Pumpkin Spiced-Latte & Apple Pie A La Mode

This is going to be a pretty obscure entry and OH so full of non-sequiturs, so please bear with me or skip it!

Ok so I don’t get myself, why am I never happy with what I have??
I mean I had a fun weekend.. like REALLY fun weekend.. first time in months! but then I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything like I still feel kinda empty..

I guess it’s that feeling you get when you have something, but you know it won’t last type of thing, and that’s how I felt the whole weekend..

Like really happy, yet incomplete, like there was hope and then feeling unfulfilled.

So I don’t know what to do, I mean I feel like sometimes there’s people that I don’t deserve, becuz I’m a total insecure bastard, but then I realize that I might be right, just becuz of a momentary thing.. like the last resort type of thing..

I know what I want, I want a relationship, but at the same time I still want fun, but “fun” is all I’ve been having recently.. I feel like I’m never going to have anything stable.. just random spurts of last resort moment things.. god it makes me sad...

I mean I’ve been battling this thing since last year, and I had given up, but at the same time I wanted to keep fighting to see if it would go anywhere.. kinda like the whole thing with Berk, but I finally gave up on that.. and it was a relief, but dramatic at the same time.

I mean once again, it’s nice to go a club and enjoy being around people like you, but at the same time I feel uncomfortable, like I’m not good enough or something.. it’s really pathetic.. such are life’s shitty insecurities..

And then of course there are the friends with drama upon drama, that I’d rather not be part of, just cuz people that they can act shitty around you and get nasty, well too bad I’m not gonna be part of that! As of this past week I’m no longer listening or being part of the drama.. like I’m zoning out..

I mean everyone has drama, but shit sometimes just fucking smile I DO, whenever I’m around people I RARELY bring my bullshit around.. cuz it’s just not fucking worth it..

ok back to my original opening line, I don’t know what to do! I think I should just let go and just enjoy the moment, cuz sadly “moments” are all I have.. and maybe I shouldn’t be too damn bitter about everything..

and yes I want to move out of Brooklyn as soon as possible, or just out where I’m currently living, becuz I’m going insane.. I didn’t think I was going to, but I am.. so that’s that!